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Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Day 19

Weight - same as bout that.

Last night I broke down a little...emotionally, spiritually.  I am a very selfish person.  Its one of those things I've often realized but rarely felt.  Well I'm feeling it now.  I've been realizing how mediocre a job I've been doing in my Christian walk, ministry, and life in general.   I don't mind doing good things as long as I can see the fruit or be satisfied in some immediate way.

I hate this about myself.  I am praying wholeheartedly for God to change my heart.  Its not something I can do on my own.  I want to have genuine love and concern for people all the time....not just intermittently.

Its tough when feeling this way.  You can easily follow the route of self pity and loathing.  Or you can choose to imperfectly change your behavior.  Like priming the well.  You aren't really bringing up the water as a wellspring of the spirit in your life.  You can hope though, that pumping that well will eventually bring the water you thirst for so desperately.  The Spirit doesn't fill us without that faith in action.  Nor does it come simply making the motion without the pump.  If you are reading this please pray for me.  I hate being broken and humbled but at the same time know how desperately I need it.  Every day is so difficult and beautiful at the same time.

Psalm 139:17

17 How precious to me are your thoughts, God!
   How vast is the sum of them!

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