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Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Day 26

I was getting so mad this morning.  I am trying to get back in shape and have been doing yoga, push ups, situps, and pull ups.  I have one of those total workout bars you put in your door frame and when I went to put it back where I got it it kept falling down.  I could tell there was some paper down there that it was sliding on and tried to kick it out of the way with my foot which just kicked out the pull up bar in stead.  I kept trying and it kept sliding and I am starting to get ticked.  Not just because of the bar because I don't know what is on these stupid papers/trash/possible lottery check? that is causing the problem.  I wanted to wad the stupid thing up and throw it across the room but I can't because it might be important.
When I was in second grade my teacher gave us a great example of the virtue of taking your time.  she wrote a problem up on the board all herky jerky wrote down the wrong answer , erased it and rewrote the problem and the right answer as fast as she could.  She then took her time writing the problem and answer correctly at a much slower pace.  I know this sound like the tortoise and the hare fable but as I was mentally swearing exclamations this morning with this one little episode I kept wondering why this was making me so mad?  Anger is sometimes good right?  Although I am having a hard time justifying the righteousness of cussing the paper or slamming the bar on the ground, lol (I didn't this time but have before).  So why so angry?
I had a profoundly simple revelation that popped into my head.  Because it's not what I wanted.   It would  be pretty funny if my friend Matt tried to reason with his newborn Taylor when he started crying.  "Why are you crying Taylor?  What's wrong?  You hungry?  You wet?"  We ask the question, but to expect the response would be silly.  I am all for growing up and maturing, but I guess some things remain constant regardless of our maturity, which is after all more how we deal with these emotions, not the emotions themselves.
But is it wrong to actually be upset at the useless sheet of paper because of barbell balance problems, or should I be mature enough not to even be mad about it?  For a long time I thought to be mature meant I had to overlook the infinite number of petty things that people say and do and let it all slide off me like water.  When unfortunate circumstances happen just by virtue of being in a physical universe, shouldn't we recognize these inconveniences as such and allow our thick skin to ward off any pain.
I'm kind of wondering now though if I have it all wrong.  What if all those things in life are as normal as Taylor crying for food.  What  if every little thing that normally irritates us SHOULD irritate us?  I mean it is frustrating to anyone who can't open the jar of pickles, or get the dipstick back in the oil reservoir, or bump your head going into someone's house that was obviously designed by midgets.  Maybe it not about initially experiencing that emotion as it is about reacting to that emotion.  In other words, it has nothing to do with your spiritual maturity how you feel when some idiot cuts you off in traffic but how quickly you can let it go when it happens....you road ragers (or my brother) out there...
Hope you are all doing well.  Don't get mad if you get mad.  Its kind of normal.

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